Ask The Expert: Boys And Sex–Talking to Men Concerning The Hookup Culture

Dear Your Child:

We heard Peggy Orenstein’s interview on NPR and i discovered it very troubling. It is feasible I was sad that girls are giving but not getting that it’s a generation gap but. Orenstein’s research only centers around girls. I became wondering whether there is any research on males and their viewpoint about this “hookup culture”. I’d like to imagine that both girls and boys are wired for love and relationships but We wonder if it model is broken.

PROFESSIONAL | Dr. David Anderson

For moms and dads, the notion of their teenager or young adult participating in sex is just a concern that is frequent. In my own work on the kid Mind Institute, it is fairly normal with any teen or adult that is young have one or more treatment session (and in most cases a minumum of one session with moms and dads because well) centered on decision-making, permission, and safety since it pertains to sex or romantic relationships. Also it’s almost unavoidable that parents and teenagers will at some time must have some delicate and conversations that are awkward.

Hookups are often thought as sexual intercourse of some sort (definitely not sex) minus the expectation of a relationship that is committed. Studies do suggest that a greater portion of men search for hookups. They’ve been confident with a wider number of intimate activities, and positively feel more about hookup culture. Nevertheless, studies additionally emphasize the significant overlap between the sexes on reports of both negative and positive emotions/consequences after and during hookups. Furthermore, even when the percentage might be reduced for men, a lot of both sexes nevertheless prefer committed relationships. That is one difference that is major hookups vs dating.

Boys And Relationships: Let’s Talk Hookup Heritage

So hookup culture, for better or worse, will still be a force that is powerful the development of teenagers. You want to make sure to supply the right help for navigating these challenges. Below are a few basic tips for chatting with girls and boys about hookup culture:

Emotional Effects of Setting Up

Both during and after a hookup, feelings of disappointment, embarrassment, and regret are still quite common while many teens and young adults experience positive emotions. Whether they look for help from moms and dads, buddies, or a mental health professional, you want to ensure that teenagers have actually available lines of interaction. We should assist them to talk about their feelings. We wish them to be assertive inside their process that is decision-making (frequently most of all) give consideration to others’ needs and emotions.

Safe Sex

Considering that nearly all teenagers and teenagers will possess some experience with hookups, they probably have trusted grownups who are able to have those awkward but enormously essential conversations about safe sex. While condom usage has increased in the usa within the last few years, present studies of teens and teenagers indicate notable increases into the regularity of unprotected dental intercourse, underestimation associated with the risks of STIs, and lots of hookups involving unprotected vaginal intercourse.

The Part of Liquor

Research highlights the most important part that liquor plays in facilitating hookup behavior, specially binge drinking. Liquor consumption is related to impaired decision-making. You will find a number of problems that must be talked about with teenagers and teenagers about simple tips to make sure safe and consensual interactions whenever one or both events could be intoxicated by alcohol or drugs.


This really is probably the least talked about yet most essential subject in the context of hookup tradition. Studies of heterosexual hookups reveal that a greater portion of males look for hookups. It indicates that males may overestimate women partner’s comfort with sexual habits, and therefore as much as 8 % of intimate encounters might be regarded as unwanted and even nonconsensual.

Secure, Consensual, Mutually Enjoyable Intercourse

Whether it’s in the context of the hookup or perhaps a committed relationship, opposite-sex or same-sex intimate encounter, it is vital to convey to the young ones that both events should believe they usually have the capacity to make sure sexual intercourse is safe and consensual and also to advocate for shared satisfaction. And that’s a note this is certainly much too frequently lost amidst the difficulties of adolescence and adulthood that is young.

Dr. David Anderson is a clinical psychologist with New York City’s Child Mind Institute, a completely independent nonprofit focused on changing the life of kids and families experiencing psychological state and learning disorders.